We, at Baby Eater, have failed you. Please forgive us.

December 1, 2007 by

We’re around 15 games in and we’ve already failed at keeping a season total of babies eaten.  See its hard because NBA League Pass screws up, or we screw up and forget to record the game and miss potential babies.  For all we know, Maxiell could have had a 5+ baby game.  The world may never know.

 Anyways, from here on out, forget the season total.  Its all about top babies eaten and watching how many babies he can eat in one game.  So here goes nuthin.


Road Trip Wrap Up (Season Baby Count: 17)

November 21, 2007 by

Parents all over Sacramento breathed a sigh of relief Sunday night, as severe foul trouble kept Jason Maxiell out for most of the game and he only sent one baby to meet its maker (His second dunk in the fourth quarter).

As for the game…If I told you beforehand that you’d see a lineup of  Samb, Johnson, Afflalo, Murray and Hayes on the floor together in the second quarter, you would probably expect to lose the game.  The crazy part is that those guys maintained the lead.  The game wasn’t blown til the offense disappeared in the third quarter.

Afflalo showed some nice flashes and Amir held his own for 15 minutes, but still hasn’t really gotten a chance to try much on the offensive end.  He didn’t take one shot.

Disappointing end to the west coast swing, but with Stuckey and McDiggity getting healthy and the first real homestand of the season coming up, 6-4 looks just fine to me…..Hell, look at the Bulls! lolz

After 9 games, the rest of the season means nothing.

November 17, 2007 by

A bit melodramatic you say?  Over-reacting like whoa?  Of course not.  This season is officially complete for me.  Lord knows I thought I would have to wait until game 79 when the Pistons are locked into a playoff spot to see Cheikh Samb get any minutes and yet he was out there tonight.  Despite NBA League Passes best efforts to thwart our attempts at watching the full game (screw you league pass for saying the game was on when it was on ESPN and then giving us the recorded first half of the LA Clippers vs. GS Warriors game!), we were able to jump in at the 2:36 mark in the 2nd quarter.

 What does this mean?  It means that the first true discrepancy of the season has occurred.  We counted two babies in the game but we missed most of the first two quarters.  So all you thousands of babyeater readers let us know if Maxiell ate a baby in the first two quarters.

This game solidified one thing and that is I hope Flip Murray is not on this team come playoffs.  I don’t know what took Flip Saunders so long to put Tayshaun in at Point Forward for Flip, and understandably it wouldn’t have mattered with the way LA shot in the 4th, but Flip Murray simply cannot run the point against an aggressive defense.  I counted 4 possessions in a row where we weren’t even able to get into an offensive set, let alone get a good look at the basket.

Meanwhile, LA shot 71% on the quarter scoring 41 and disposing of the depleted Pistons without any real trouble.  Of course they got some help from the refs when they clearly had a turnover but instead Mr. Idiot Ref decided to take it in the gut knocking it right back to a Laker for the score.  Assist, Mr. Idiot Referee.

Can you tell I’m a bit bitter?  This is why I tend to leave posting duties to my counterparts after a loss.  In any event, the west coast road trip can still be salvaged with a win against Sacramento on Sunday.  I wouldn’t mind seeing more of Amir.  I’m pretty sure this road trip and McDiggidy’s injury is going to transform him into the true man-child that he is meant to be this season.  Hell, we already saw it when he got angry on the boards and put up 5 legitimate blocks (although one was called for a foul…damn refs).

So on to C-Webb’s old stomping ground.  Maybe this time they won’t show a montage of burning cars and broken down buildings…whadya say Maloof brothers?  Maybe some Deetroit respect is in order?

Maxiell hungry for more babies in first start of the season

November 15, 2007 by

Talk about a tale of two halves.  I didn’t know if I could make it through the second half after watching the Pistons sans McDiggidy and C-Billups stink up the court and letting Golden State have their way on the offensive glass in the first half.  And yet these Pistons did what they do best – coast until it matters, closing out the game strong and pulling out another win on the road.

Notes on the game:

– I counted 2 babies tonight although I feel as if Maxiell deserves an honorary baby posting a mean double-double with 14 points, 14 boards, 5 assists, and 3 blocks on an efficient 5 of 9 shooting.  His babylicious block on Al Harrington and his babyrific monster dunk in the second half bring our tally to 14.

– More impressive than any of his stats was Flip’s confidence in the baby-eater playing him a team high 44 minutes.  Could this be the start of a baby-eating frenzy?  I certainly hope so.

– I have to say that Sheed has surprised me in how focused he has been thus far.  No T’s and we’re 8 games into the season?  Gotta love that.

– Despite my growing hatred for Flip Murray and his inability to get Amir involved in the offense, he had a stellar game on his own with the other double-double for the Pistons with 15 points, 12 dimes, and 6 boards.

– Lindsay got his first PT of the season tonight with Billups out and knocked down a big three from the corner (if only he could have stayed with Baron Davis in the transition on the following Warriors possession).

– Rip is still frustrating me with his poor shooting.  He was 5 of 20 against portland and at least he recovered at the end of the game tonight to go 9 of 20 but at one point he was a dreadful 4 of 12 on the night.

– Three starters tied for 22 points and all 5 starters in double figures.  Impressive to see such even scoring on a night without Chauncey and McDyess.

All in all, this was a solid win against a young, energetic team who is much better than their 0-6 record suggests.  Pistons are now 2-1 on their current road trip heading into LA where they’ll take on Kobe and the Lakers.  Let’s hope J-Max can keep up his baby-eating tenacity.

Baby Count: 12

November 11, 2007 by

Just realized we never updated after the Clippers game last night.  Can you blame us though after such a snoozefest of a blowout?  Maxiell only ate one baby again (the put-back slam off Tayshaun’s missed three) giving him a dozen devoured babies on the year.

Other thoughts: Let’s see Johnson get at least a couple meaningful minutes, not just mop up time where Flip Murray goes into full ballhog mode.  For some reason Murray strikes me as that type of player that smells really bad and sweats profusely that you hate to guard or have guarding you in pickup games.  And I think he’s feeling threatened by the impending arrival of Stuckey so he’s looking for his shot too much to pad his numbers in an effort to keep his spot as first guard off the bench.

Artistic rendering of Maxiell’s block on Gordon: by Jim Henson’s ghost

November 9, 2007 by

Jason Maxiell eats a baby, Rasheed scores a bunch, Pistons lose…wahhhhhh :( :( :(

November 9, 2007 by

Well Maxiell didn’t get nearly the amount of playing time I expected considering how active Chicago’s front line is now that Tyrus Thomas has taken PJ Brown’s spot and Joe-keem Noah is on the team.  I really expected Flip to go energy against energy in this and yet he barely used any of the guys off the bench that most of us fans are excited to see (Afflalo saw limited action and Amir got his first legi DNP of the season…hopefully this is not a sign of things to come).

In the 12 minutes that J-Max did get on the floor, he had one nasty baby when he plastered Ben Gordon’s fast break lay up against the glass.  That is why I watch the Pistons right there.  If only Amir could be in there with him, we might be able to have ourselves one heck of a block party.

In general, I hate writing about the Pistons after they lose, but as my fellow writers and I wade into the world of blogging, I guess that is one thing I will have to get over.  The Pistons lose a game they had no right to even be in (17 assists to 17 turnovers while being dominated in the paint and on the offensive glass is not going to win you very many games) and despite the refs doing everything they could to keep the Pistons out of it (yeah okay Rip grabbed Tyrus Thomas’s ankle, but how was it not a foul that Thomas literally tried to decapitate Rip with his testicles when he came down from the block?), this one came down to the wire.

Sheed’s play (with the exception of the afore-mentioned baby) was the only bright spot in this game and I can only hope that Sheed can keep this up.  To be honest though, what stood out for me the most was during the second half when Rip had already been T’d up once and was mouthing off to the ref.  Who stepped in and got him out of there?  Who was it who kept his cool?  Sheed.  Now I’m sure these roles will be reversed at some point in the season but it is comforting to see Sheed keeping his cool in a game filled with ticky-tack fouls and questionable calls.

Well off I go.  I simply can’t dwell on this loss any longer.  Pistons fly home tonight for a game against the Clippers before making their way out to Seattle where Pat and I will be doing our best to get on TV.  Look for two loud-mouthed Pistons fans sportin signage courtesy of Natalie over at www.need4sheed.com.

Go Pistons!

Book of Kitna Chapter 7, Verse 2

November 7, 2007 by

This approaching Sunday is the biggest battle between rival members of God’s team since Cain faced off against Abel. On November 11th at 4:15 pm Eastern time, Jon “Miracle” Kitna will face Kurt “I Love You Jesus” Warner on the gridiron. Both claim God’s allegiance and both attribute their abilities to Him, but we have all learned from televangelists that God picks sides and loves absolutes. This being the cause, God must choose one to win for a tie would be sacrilege and all things considered Kitna will be his choice. God will not make this choice arbitrarily because omnipresent beings know all and see all and can therefore hand down judgments from above. There are two main reasons God will choose Kitna over Warner.

First, the miracle advantage. Kitna has the clear edge in experiencing God’s grace on the football field this season. His concussed head was cleared while Warner has experienced none of God’s healing touch and has battled injuries. So Kitna beats him 1-0 and in a way it is even more miraculous that he has not been hurt more considering the amount of times he has been hit this year due to poor blocking and the mad scientist’s pass wacky schemes.

The other reason that Kitna and the Lions will vanquish the Warner-led Cardinals is the conversion factor. Kitna has displayed humility when it comes to prosetylizing his religious beliefs. God loves humility and it appears that the Lion players do as well. Since Kitna has joined the team he has converted over 20 teammates and their wives to Christianity. God must love that Kitna is increasing his army and there is no reason for God to turn on him now. If the Lions keep winning I bet Kitna will be able to hold a massive public conversion of fans, especially if there is a Super Bowl appearance or win. God loves winners and winners love God. So for these reasons and the fact that the Cardinals are merely an average team, the Lions will prevail this Sunday.

Hail the colors
Blue and Silver let them wave.
Sing their song and cheer the Gridiron Heroes brave,
Fighting for fame, winning the game,
Dashing to victory as they go.

Forward down the field,
A charging team that will not yield.
And when the Blue and Silver wave,
Stand and cheer the brave.
Rah, Rah, Rah.
Go hard, win the game.
With honor you will keep your fame.
Down the field and gain,
A Lion victory!

Big Baby eats Babies too.

November 6, 2007 by

Now Baby Eater is first and foremost a blog for Jason Maxiell and his baby eating tenacity, however being a Lions fan and seeing Big Baby Shaun Rogers snag a baby out of the air, tuck it, and truck 66 yards, capping the run off by sending Selvin Young to the turf with a nasty Maxiell Baby-eating aggression before “soaring” into the endzone superman style was really the highlight of my day. For those of you who missed it, you can check out the highlights from the game at nfl.com: http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d803e87fc. Notice what Big Baby does in celebration after the play…Yup thats right, he’s signaling as if he’s eating something…could it be?

Shaun Rogers feeding off a baby after his 66 yard INT for a TD

Big Baby likes the other other white meat as well?

Shaun Rogers takes a baby 66 yards for the score

For those of us who have stuck through and endured the past however many years of mediocrity, today flat out rocked. What could be better than a Lions win you ask? How about a Lions win capped off with the boys in blue beating Atlanta. The W wasn’t nearly as convincing as the Lions win over the Broncos but a win is a win and the Pistons are off to a 3-0 start. Do I think the Pistons could go 82-0? Yeah I think they could. Especially if they get the kind of production they’ve been seeing from Maxiell and the rest of the second string squad.

The thing that stands out the most for me in all three wins thus far is the Pistons ability to start off hot and close out games. In their three games thus far, they’ve started strong and closed games out by winning the first and fourth quarters in two of the three games (Miami, Atlanta) and closing the game out strong against Orlando (they lost the first quarter of the Orlando game 30-28). Fact is, if the Pistons keep this up, they might actually get rid of that nasty stigma of coasting through the first half or even the first three quarters before turning it on at the end.

Anyways, cheers to two solid victories today (U of M beating MSU was a nice touch as well). If only I could find a place that sells Stroh’s out in Seattle.

Home Opener: Babylicious

November 5, 2007 by

I feel sorry for all the babies out there if tonight was any indication of how this season is going to go for Jason Maxiell and the Pistons.  As a team Detroit blocked 10 shots, Maxiell having four (to go along with 15 points, eight boards, two assists and a steal in a very productive 26 minutes).

Only two of Maxiell’s blocks brought the screaming of babies being devoured, but he had a nice fast break thunder dunk as well as a ferocius put-back slam after ripping the rebound away from a Hawks defender.  We can’t remember which Hawk it was, but it’s probably for the best he remains nameless after serving up a baby on a platter like that.

So that’s four babies eaten for the night and 10 on the season as Maxiell and the Pistons roll to 3-0.  Up next, the Bulls and Ben “My Headbands Are All I Have Left” Wallace come to The Palace on Thursday.